You would think that after almost 3 years of living far from my family that I would be used to doing nothing on Easter, but no. It’s still lonely and painful. I missed church today as I have a little virus and I’m dealing with a bit of asthma but I did watch a few different services online… my least favorite way of going to church.

Instead of feeling the gratitude that I should be feeling especially today, I feel guilty for feeling melancholy. I know well that grief, my unwelcomed visitor, comes unannounced at the times where I probably should have planned better for it’s arrival. I not only miss my kids and my grandson… and all the festive celebrations that my family usually enjoys at Easter, but I also terribly miss a particular guy who brought a ton of laughter to my life and made my heart beat fast. Today, I listened to an old video of him playing guitar and singing “Because He Lives” along the side of his beautiful, young daughter and I am reminded that because Jesus lives, I CAN face tomorrow and that “life is worth the living just because He lives.”

There are many things I have learned to appreciate about my far away life even if it wasn’t an easy learn. I do love my job now. It’s a relief not to have to live in poverty. But there are many things that I struggle through– such as loneliness. As much as I miss my kids and hate that my bestest guy friend in the whole wide world is gone, Isaiah 57 reminds me that good people die and sometimes this happens because they are spared from evil. Considering all the evil I see in this world, I’m thankful he is spared. However, his kids were left without a competent parent because of it. I guess this is where the rubber meets the road in regards to my faith. It’s seems easy to understand that God’s ways and plans are higher than mine until God’s plans do not align with the good I had planned. And if I’m being honest, God’s plans haven’t aligned much with mine for the past 8 years. And if I’m being really honest, God’s plans have thrown me off so much that I am afraid to even make any plans anymore! But because I have always prayed that His will would be done, I have no doubt that my prayers were ultimately answered in this way. I can press on knowing that even if my plans don’t line up with God’s plans in my mind, they line up in my heart. I am reminded of 2 Corinthians 4:16-18, which says, “Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.  For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all.  So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen, since what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.” (NIV) “Light and momentary troubles” seem so not very accurate while living through them yet they are light and momentary in comparison to an eternal glory. Unimaginable. It also seems difficult to fix my eyes on the unseen but when I look at what I am seeing in this world today, I certainly don’t care much for what I am seeing. Every single day makes me more look forward to THE DAY when every tear will be wiped away. (Revelation 21:4) Come, Lord Jesus.